Your rent would only be about 20 bucks a month, but half the time you tried to leave your house the door would be stuck.
Every time you went outside you would be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you inferior modems and cheap digital cameras for only $399.99.
The commute to work would be just just a double-click away, but half the time you tried to leave your driveway, the traffic would knock you back into your yard.
You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name, and all the females were h0t 17/f cheerleaders.
48 hours after moving in, your mailbox would be stuffed to overflowing with special offers, promotions and flyers just for you.
If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how really important you are to them.
The city council would kick you out of town for cursing when you twisted your ankle.
Half the time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
Every time you went to the mall, people would run up to you and violently scream, "M/F??!!", "AGE/SEX/LOCATION?!?!", or "WANNA GET LUCKY?"
People would call you every night and say "Hi, I'm JoE H4x0r from the city council. We had a database crash and lost your tax records. Please give us your address and the key to your house or we will be forced to evict you and your family."
You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by officials telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation, but it's not their fault.
Your daughter would disappear to the No-Tell Motel every night, and you'd foot the bill.
You'd send your kids to school for history, math and science, but they'd wind up studying phishing, one-handed typing, and annoying acronyms.
The playground would be fenced and locked so that the kiddies cannot get out for safety reasons, and then all the perverts would be let in.
A trip to the local library would find you a bunch of ancient Doom 2 patches, commercial pics of Pamela Anderson Lee, and a viral copy of PkZip 2.04g.
Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh behind your back.
New neighbors would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with crap, and vacate before sunup.
Every morning when you wake up, a voice from above would shout "HEY YOU! YOU DO WANT ANOTHER VISA CARD, DON'T YOU?" When you say "NO", the voice would reply "OK, I'LL ASK YOU TOMORROW!"
