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The ABC
The ABC's of
ex-girlfriends...
A is for Arteries. You know, the
things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit
she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I
really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children
that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely
together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later. She won't. She
never has before.
D is for Dumped. Does D need to be
explained?
E is for Eating like a pig. Remember
when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could
take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine
restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the
mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks
and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends. That is what she
just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun. And yes there is a
waiting period.
H is for Horny. Remember when she
looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her. Odds
are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim. This is her new
boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to
date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
L is for Love. It's a great euphoric
feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are
crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistophiles. That is
who she worked for.
N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't
move very much, did she?
O is for On top. When on top she has
another O word.
P is for Pill. She said she was on it.
She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought
my love but I paid for it.
S stands for Suffer. That's what she
made me do.
T is for torture. Torture is what she
did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
U is for Understatement. Saying you
hate that bitch is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That is the
primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.
W stands for Whine. She was a pro at
this.
X is for Xylophone. Because X is
always for xylophone.
Y stands for You suck! Remember when
she yelled that at you.
Z stands for ZIPPER. This is what you
got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled
"QUICK! They're home!"
. stands for period. Which is a couple
of weeks late, becauseshe lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you
won't get any for a week.
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