Baked
Beans
Once upon a time
there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She
loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met
a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry
she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he
would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
 Some
months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she
lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would
be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she
passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she
could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she
would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she
stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three
large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon
arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed
excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a
surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her
to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about
to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to
answer the phone.
The baked beans she
had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming
almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized
the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk
in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around
her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears
tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it
on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture
of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long,
he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he
removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve
dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!!!
Are
you smiling???
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