A BAD
HABIT
Herman and Martha were happily
married for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was
caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he
awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. Herman told
her that he couldn't help it.
She begged him to visit a
doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of
it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he
would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out." The years went
by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued to ignore her
warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before
dawn, Martha went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed
Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While
she was taking out the turkeys innards, a thought occurred to the wife as
to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl
and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would
awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and
then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all
of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced
the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family
meal.
Several hours later she heard Herman awake with his normal loud ass
trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the
sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
Martha could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she
rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had
finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his blood stained
underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from
laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
"Honey," he said. "You were right - all those years you warned me and I
didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked
Martha.
"Well, you always told me that
I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally
happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got
them all back in.
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